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The Divided States of America.

I know this sounds like a lot of trouble, but how about The Divided States of America?  We will draw straws and the liberal cows will all move to one side of the country and the rhinos will move to the other side.  Then, everybody would get what they want.

Obama can continue being the president of the Cow States.  There, the government will control and plan everything.  They will make bicycles to be given away free to everyone.  Cars will be made illegal.  Because all the producers left for the Rhino States, there won’t be much private industry employment.  Most jobs will be created by the government and be union run.  Once in, no matter how big of a bonehead you are, you can’t get fired.  Solar powered flashlights will be their number one industry.

Taxes will be at 80% and there will be a list of items that you will be approved to purchase with any money you have left that are not harmful to the environment.  It is a small list.  There will be no homeless in the Cow States.  Illegal.  You have to live in a approved housing complex with everybody else.  Just keeping everybody equal.

People will be limited to 2 children and everything will be monitored: electricity use, water use, blogs, attitudes and diet.   All entertainment, news and music will be government controlled to keep people thinking progressively.  “An Inconvenient Truth” will be the blockbuster movie that everyone just “has to see.”    Hate will be illegal unless it is government approved.   Envy and immorality will be encouraged.   No more religion, no churches, God is out.  Government is god.  Everyone will bow to Senator Barbara Boxer.  She worked hard to be omnipotent.

Now, are you ready to rock n’roll?  Let’s go take a walk on the Rhino side!  Do you think there will be prayer in the public schools?  Get real!  There is going to be NO public schools!  Everything is privatized.  Remember lines at the DMV?  They still have them over on the Cow side.   The Rhino States have no welfare system, no EPA, no unions, no seat belt laws, no libraries, no social security scam and no public TV or radio stations.  It’s total freedom, man!   Everyone is respectful of others and people in need are helped by their fellow Rhino citizens.  Everyone is happy and working together.  It is great not hearing about global warming, some endangered toad or leaving a carbon footprint.   In the Rhino States, everyone is trying to make as big of a footprint that they can!   Oil is being drilled!!  New homes are being built.  New technologies are being developed.   Cars are faster than ever.  It is an exciting, happening place to become a millionaire as you charge down your dreams.

The Rhino States’ government is small.  The president works part time.  He has a business on the side.   Nobody wants to be a politician where they are viewed as lower than whale droppings.  There is a strong military and that is what our 10% flat rate tax mostly goes to pay for.  We have to protect ourselves from the lunatic, oppressive, backward countries like the Cow States that want to impose their beliefs on us.

Ah, it is just a dream right now.  But imagine!  Believe you can make a difference.  Be radical!   Scott Alexander

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Copyright 2009 by Scott Alexander

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07 2009

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  1. 1

    Couldn’t agree more. The scary thing is, there are a lot of individuals out there who would have no hesitations about moving to the “Cow” side. You’re right, we need a revolution!

  2. 2

    Aside from the enormous tax-eating military, your vision for Rhino Nation sounds fantastic, Scott! I’d rather have the soldiers launching their own “protective services” businesses. One nuke per county should probably keep the Cow Nations at bay.

  3. 3

    Got to say this… truly dumb post.

    Naveen



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